Life Reflections™

Forgiveness & Authentic Happiness

What could cause Michael Schiavo to be determined to end the life of his wife, Terri, while she seemed to wage a battle to keep it? Did Michael's determination to have Terri die an agonizing death of dehydration and starvation relate in any way to a breakdown of their heart-to-heart relationship? If it does, how could this happen?

Common knowledge tells us that abundant forgiveness is the one "living dynamic" that fuels marriages that enjoy long- term success. The practice of forgiveness can take form and shape in either of two very different paradigms. One involves an open conscience (heartache) and one involves at least a partially closed conscience (resentment).

A man must possess himself to give himself away in marriage. A woman must possess herself to give herself away in marriage. Possessing oneself and giving oneself away include an open conscience which assures softness of heart toward one's spouse.

When forgiveness is needed in a marital relationship, a spouse with an open conscience will suffer heartache until forgiveness is granted. There is a certain passivity about heartache that invites communion. Heartache is about a soft heart that continues and is connected to God by an open conscience. Heartache is the pathway to communion in the present, and to lasting forgiveness.

Resentment, on the other hand, has a "continuing action dynamic" that is usually negative and destructive. Resentment hardens hearts and involves a conscience at least somewhat disconnected from God. Resentment hampers and/or destroys communion in the present because of its "continued negative life", and forgiveness that comes from suppressing a resentment by "burying it" deep in the human mind may not lead to lasting forgiveness.

Both resentment and heartache produce pain in a marital relationship, and in other family relationships; however, the fullness of communion demands a softness of heart which builds up grace and holiness in the soul.

When and why did Michael Schiavo harden his heart toward his soul mate, Terri? Once a heart is hardened toward a spouse, reductionism sets in and much energy is expended to justify this powerful defacing of human dignity. This reductionism—in terms of God's revelation to us through time—is seen for what it is: an energy that must build on itself as it takes on the characteristics of a closed mechanical system evaluated by factors such as functionality, workload/production capability, efficiency, waste, and return on investment. A person is, therefore, evaluated for life suitability as if God's will were irrelevant; or, in other words, life utterly disconnected from morality—virtues-based or otherwise. Viewing people as closed mechanical/ electronic systems through a lens such as entropy—a measure of/focus on loss—creates a likelihood for resentment, hardened hearts, and an assault on authentic happiness.

With our culture over-focused on "self-declared happiness", people get easily confused between these two paradigms of forgiveness—one measures loss and keeps track and the other subordinates to the loss by letting go. One is driven by human will at least somewhat disconnected from God. One is faith-based. The difference is critical to personal happiness that is authentic because God is genuinely invited to only one, the one that creates soft hearts and involves the pain of heartache until forgiveness is granted.

Will the collective open conscience and soft heart of America prevail, reject a Culture of Death, and embrace a Culture of Life?

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Prayer of the Faithful
Almighty God, we give you profound thanks for all the people who fought courageously to save the life of Terri Schiavo. Lord, as we thank you, all of us working for and with Pro-Life Maryland ask you to continue to help us to vigorously reject this gravely immoral act of death by dehydration and starvation. Because Terri's death—by dehydration and starvation—launches new sin into our nation, will have long-lasting effects against innocent life in Maryland, in our nation, and in the world, we need your divine help to find new ways to soften hearts for the innocent.

Lord, please help us set the right example for others as we work tirelessly to protect innocent human life by softening hearts. Help us promote and support understanding of life as gift, relationship as communion, and for the protection of all innocent human life. Help us always to be like the Good Samaritan in our daily efforts to do your will. All praise and glory to you. Amen

Anthony R. Souza, MTS
President & CEO